Episode 1

♪ ♪ JACK: Hi.

This is my first time using the app.

ALICE: Are you nervous?

JACK: A little.

PAUL: She threw you out of her flat?

As far as signals go, those are pretty clear.

Who's Alice?

I haven't heard from you for three years.

She's in love with you!

ALICE: I just want to be right here in this moment and then the next after that, and then pretty soon, you're talking about a whole lifetime of great moments.

JACK: Are you ready?

I am so ready.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ JACK (voiceover): Love is the best thing we have.

Maybe after we strip away all the bull (muted)... it's the only thing we have.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (dog barks in distance) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (indistinct chatter) (clears throat) Alice?

Jack?

(chuckles nervously) Yes.

Hi.

(chuckles) Well, your picture didn't lie.

Yours is an understatement.

Well, that's on purpose.

What will you have to drink?

Macallan.

So, who are you, Jack?

Who am I?

Are you nervous?

A little.

Aren't you?

Why don't I concretize the question.

What do you do?

Thank you, I am a biomedical researcher.

What do you research?

Right now, Hashimoto's disease.

Why?

Why?

Do you have Hashimoto's disease?

No.

Does anyone you know have Hashimoto's disease?

No.

Then why?

For the glory of perhaps one day curing Hashimoto's disease?

Not for the glory, no.

Uh, curing it will help people.

But it won't help you.

Not directly, no, but... Or anyone you know.

No, but...

So, you're a crusader.

I wouldn't say that.

You should, 'cause it's really adorable.

But it's kind of a hazy reward calculus.

What?

Well, let's break it down.

What do you do after you cure Hashimoto's disease?

There's a whole bunch of us.

Yeah, but what do you do?

I move on to something else, I guess.

Another disease?

Probably.

And then what, another one?

On and on, until I die at some point, I suppose.

Of another disease.

One you've never even thought about.

Statistically very likely.

Yeah, after which time, and for all eternity, the fact that you've cured or helped cure Hashimoto's disease or, you know, potentially other diseases, won't mean anything to you because nothing will mean anything to you because you'll be dead.

This is my first time using the app.

Is this how it usually goes?

What actually is Hashimoto's disease?

It's autoimmune-related.

See, I could understand devoting your life to biomedical research if you're going for the glory.

Can we not say "glory"?

Can we say "for the feeling of having done something good"?

Like a calling.

Mmm, well... Are you religious?

I don't know yet.

Are you?

So, not fame or rewards, per se, but for a feeling of a work well done, of a life well-lived, of the world in some measure improved.

And that's why you do what you do?

(inhales) What do you do?

I make money.

Crystal-clear reward calculus.

The clearest.

Finance business?

Bold guess in this part of town.

Any goals beyond personal wealth?

I think of it more like a defense fund.

Like a war chest.

Who are you fighting?

People like me?

No.

Everyone else.

♪ ♪ ALICE: Do you live near here?

JACK: I work around the corner.

Are you suggesting we go to your office?

Oh, no.

No, no sorry.

I wa... no.

ALICE: We'll go to my apartment.

JACK: Already?

ALICE (voiceover): Or we part as friendly acquaintances.

Either's fine by me.

That's not a choice.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (soft chuckle) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (whispering): Are you awake?

(whispering louder): Are you awake?

(loudly): Are you awake?

I am now, yeah.

Hi.

I want to say this in a way that's clear but not rude.

"Get the (muted) out of here"?

(whispering); Basically, yeah.

Right.

(sighs) (quietly): I'm sorry.

No, no, it's all good.

On to the walk of shame.

I don't know why they call it the walk of shame.

You've just had sex, they should call it "the walk of victory," "the stroll of conquest."

Yeah, they absolutely should not call it that.

(chuckles) (sighs) Where's my sock?

Have you done this before?

Slept with a stranger?

Dressed yourself.

I have dressed myself before.

Yeah.

You're great.

What?

You're kind and your handsome, and... you're a good lover.

You're wonderful.

I can see why you want me to go.

(soft chuckle) ♪ ♪ (Jack sighs) Hmm.

Is it always like this for you?

Is what always like what?

Never mind.

♪ ♪ Bye.

I'll call you.

Thank you, but if it's okay with you, I'd rather you didn't.

(clicks tongue) I'll text you?

(chuckles) ♪ ♪ (elevator doors open) (elevator doors close) ♪ ♪ (vehicles passing) ♪ ♪ (train clatters loudly) Don't do it.

Why not?

She told you not to, and she threw you out of her flat.

As far as signals go, those are pretty clear.

There was something in the subtext.

Don't hang your hat on subtext, mate.

Subtext is dangerous.

Subtext can get you killed.

You don't understand 'cause you weren't there.

It would've been weird if I was.

That would have been weird.

Just saying.

(indistinct chatter) Right, we can go.

(clears throat) (indistinct chatter, laughter) (phone alert chimes) (vehicle passes) You all right?

I'm fine.

Want to talk about anything?

No, thank you.

'Cause we can, if you want.

I am your friend.

You can't be my friend, 'cause you're someone I pay.

(phone keys beep) (sighs) (sighs, phone beeps) ♪ ♪ (indistinct chatter) (car engine idling) ♪ ♪ (car door closes) ♪ ♪ (sighs) (grunts) ♪ ♪ (instrument clicking) (Jack singing quietly to himself) (indistinct singing continues) (stops singing) (loudly): Paul?

Paul!

(phone ringing) Are you all right?

JACK (on phone): Yeah.

Are you all right?

ALICE (on phone): I thought I told you not to bloody call.

I had a breakthrough.

ALICE: Psychologically or...?

No.

(laughs) Uh, at work.

We isolated the Hashimoto's base pair, so we're one step closer to a cure.

Do you want to tell me about it?

JACK: I just did.

ALICE: Do you want to tell me more about it?

Yeah.

ALICE: Exchange Square, 20 minutes.

(train rumbles) What?

I'm not sure about the beard.

No?

I mean it's handsome; that's not the issue.

You're more or less unbreakably handsome.

But there's just something about it.

I didn't expect to see you tonight.

Then why did you call me?

Well, I, I'm not sure.

I didn't really think about it.

I just did it.

Are you with anyone?

No.

I've been, you know, fine on my own.

Is it the beard?

You set kind of a high bar.

So do you.

What does one thing have to do with the other?

(claps hands) The night after we were...

I happened to see you.

And I was with someone else that night.

Hmm.

Have you ever been with the same person twice?

Tonight will be the first time.

♪ ♪ (razor taps bowl) Isn't that razor made for legs and arm pits?

(chuckling): It's not like they use a different grade of steel.

Be careful.

If I were careful with anything in this world, I would be careful with you.

You weren't, though.

What?

You weren't careful.

I know.

I'll try to be.

I understand that you... That this is different.

You do?

Yeah, can we stop talking about it?

(bowl clatters on sink) ♪ ♪ (inhaling) (shower turns on) What the...?

You're kidding me!

Are you working tomorrow?

(keys jingle) JACK: It's Saturday.

Do you want to do something?

Sure.

Well, then you should probably stay.

Okay.

Good, then.

(chuckles softly) ♪ ♪ ALICE: Mmm.

(sighs) (chuckling) Is this okay?

(mutters) Yeah, it's good.

Am I like a giant squid?

(chuckles) No.

Your heart's beating really fast, though.

Can you feel that?

You okay?

I think so.

Can I give it a minute?

Yeah.

That's better.

♪ ♪ That's good.

♪ ♪ (door creaking) (exhales heavily) (whispers): Jack.

Jack?

Jack?

(elevator rumbling loudly) ALICE (screaming in distance, barely audible): Jack!

Stupid!

Stupid!

Alice?

(door clatters loudly) Alice?

Alice?

Where did you go?

I got croissants.

From where?

Uh, Franze and Evans.

Almond or plain?

One of each.

And, uh, I got lattes.

And, uh, I replaced your razor.

(sighs) Please don't ever do that again.

Sorry, you were just, you were sleeping so soundly.

Also, no almond.

♪ ♪ (cup clatters) Is, is almond okay for you?

Because we can share the plain one, if you want.

I like almond.

(chuckles) ♪ ♪ How is the almond?

It's very good.

Hmm.

How's the non-almond?

It's lovely.

♪ ♪ Do you like that one?

(whispering): It's, it's hard, isn't it, to say whether you like something or not 'cause sometimes you're really drawn to something but it makes you angry or, like, depressed?

(chuckles) Do you know what I mean?

You're talking about the painting, right?

Yes.

Yes, not people-- well, I mean, also people.

It's me, it's me, isn't it?

No, it's not you.

♪ ♪ LOUISE: Good morning.

Hi, hi there, have you got anything by, um, Emily Kirby?

Kirby... (inhales) Gosh, that name does not ring a bell.

Is she, is she British?

She is.

Living or...?

Both of those things.

Would she be in our permanent collection or in a visiting exhibition?

Well, you probably know better than I would.

Um, sorry, it's, there are over 30,000 pieces in our permanent collection.

And then the visiting exhibitions can be large also.

Mm-hmm, is there a database?

There absolutely is a database, but unfortunately my terminal is misbehaving today.

(chuckling): I can't access the database.

Is there a terminal that isn't misbehaving today?

Like a terminal that might be an example to other terminals?

Um, unfortunately... Oh, my God, please don't say "unfortunately" again.

Just say, in this 84-million-pound building, there is someone who can access the bloody database.

JACK: You know what, it's absolutely fine, thank you very much.

It's not fine.

We should just keep wandering and see what we see.

Oh, (muted) off, Jack.

Hey.

Whatever's going on with you, get a handle on it and figure out a way to be a grown-up.

This isn't okay.

Yeah.

This was a mistake, this was my mistake.

Alice.

♪ ♪ (takes deep breath) (phone ringing) (ringing continues) (line ringing out) (phone beeps off) (typing clicks) (phone chiming and buzzing) ♪ ♪ (phone clatters) PAUL (voiceover): Again, the clearest instructions I've ever read.

She should work for IKEA.

She does seem pretty cool, though.

In an extremely troubling way.

Do you know what my father would've said in this situation?

What?

People will usually disappoint you.

Great.

He didn't say always, he said usually.

He told me to sift through the general population looking for the great ones, and... to be wise enough to cast aside the disappointing ones, despite their appeal and without rancor.

He was actually an optimist.

I mean, look, there's seven-and-a-half million people in this city.

There's got to be at least a couple of hundred thousand of them that are lovely.

We each just have to find a great one.

I did.

Not really, mate.

I mean, you've got to be able to function with them, right?

(wildlife chittering) Why are we on this boat?

'Cause I needed to do something life-affirming.

(wildlife chittering) Is it working?

Nope.

♪ ♪ (birds chirping) (buzzing and chiming) LYNN (mumbling): Oh you, what's that?

What is that?

(hums) What is that?

(gurgles) (whining) Ooh!

(shushing) Lovey?

Yep?

Who's Alice?

Alice?

(buzzing continues) Er... (whispering): Who's that?

She's an ex.

Oh-ho-ho!

(baby talk): She's an ex!

Oh no.

(normal): Do you wanna take it?

Nah.

Nah?

(baby talk): Okay!

Okay.

Yeah.

Bye bye.

(dropping phone) Bye bye.

Come here.

Here we go, now... (buzzing continues) I mean, do you want to switch it off, or... Hit it with a meat hammer or something... Oh, sorry!

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!

(phone beeps, clatters) Mm.

Lesson 116, Celia: our exes are exes for a reason.

(chuckles) Yes, they are.

Mm.

(fire sizzling outside) Oh, our breakfast is ho... is hot, is on fire, It's fully on fire.

(exclaims) Oh, oh!

Okay!

(sizzling, smoldering) (muted) Hell!

(baby talk): Daddy's silly.

He burnt the sausages.

Look at him.

(normal): Is that it, totally done?

Yeah.

Toast?

Plain toast?

Yeah.

(sizzling) (Lynn baby talking quietly) PAUL (voiceover): An "ex"?

That was the term you chose?

Yeah.

Technically accurate, I guess.

Although, just out of interest, did "catastrophe" cross your mind?

What would you have done?

Told your new wife and mother of your new baby, who she happened to be burping at the time...

Disaster?

Shipwreck?

Any of those?

About some other woman who once blew a hole in your soul?

No, I would have told her everything on the first date and destroyed any chance of a relationship.

Okay, well, I didn't do that.

An ex.

What was Chernobyl, a mishap?

Are you finished?

For now.

Did Alice leave a voicemail?

(sighs) No.

Did you call her back?

No.

Do you plan to?

No, and she'll know what that silence means, and she'll never call me again, and we'll all continue forward into a very nice future, instead of backsliding into a giant vat of pain.

I can see you're untroubled.

I'm fine.

It was a non-incident.

(phone chiming) Right...

Except she's here.

She's always here.

She's always a presence, I don't deny it.

No, she... she's here.

Krystelle's bringing her through.

Oh (muted).

I didn't really eat or sleep for months after we parted.

Which is ridiculous, I know.

No.

Yes.

When the ratio of time spent with a person to time spent broken-hearted over that person is like one to 60,000, that's a little nuts.

Well, I'm here now.

Yeah, for the moment you're here.

You know, life eats sensitive people, Jack.

That doesn't make them... crazy.

That's good news.

My therapist said I was nuts, so... You went to a therapist?

Yeah, that's why I said "my therapist."

You seem to be a little sensitive about having gone to a therapist there?

No.

I've lived at therapists', so... Plural?

Comically, massively plural.

My therapists have had to go to therapists.

I probably went to your therapist.

I have recommendations, too, if you need another therapist.

It's fine, I'm fine.

I got better.

You did?

Good.

How?

It was circuitous.

Where did I leave off?

You weren't eating or sleeping.

JACK (voiceover): That's right.

I was drinking, though.

PAUL: What I can't fathom, broadly speaking, is how this simple act of propagating the species can be so problematic?

Human beings should have died out hundreds of thousands of years ago.

And yet here we are, in charge of everything.

(indistinct chatter) Are we still having a conversation, or am I talking to myself?

Sorry.

I mean, think of how many love songs there are.

Love poems, books about love, movies.

It's (muted) pathetic.

Can you imagine how far along we'd be as a civilization if we just devoted that time and energy into something more constructive?

Mm-hmm.

I think you should listen to your friend there.

Thank you.

I mean, it's gonna happen anyway.

People are going to (muted).

Yes, they are, and thank goodness.

I mean, love's just a dopamine rush meant to lure us into misalliance before, as in the case of poor Jack here, it wanders off, chuckling, to bother someone else.

So, I say we wise up and dial down the drama.

I agree.

I'm Donna.

Er, I'm Paul.

He's mute.

Hi, Paul.

You all right, Jack?

Sorry, I am good, yes...

He's not.

He's not all right, he's, he's broken and ruined.

I'm all right, though.

I'm fresh and clean.

Mm.

I've been stood up, Jack.

May I join you?

Sorry, yeah, I'd rather you just... PAUL: Yes.

In fact I'd, I'd hack off a limb.

Paul, did you say?

It is.

(chuckles) JACK (voiceover): They started dating.

To this day, Paul ascribes his happiness to my depression.

ALICE (voiceover): Oh, he loves you.

JACK (voiceover): Mmm.

As I watched them, I realized something.

Life is pretty simple for a lot of people.

They meet someone, they fall in love, and they're all set.

No suffering, no gnawing your own hand to the wrist.

And I thought, I should try that.

(voiceover): Or at least be open to the possibility of trying that.

So the next night, instead of reading about syphilis, I went to see a movie to cheer myself up.

"Seven Beauties."

ALICE (voiceover): "Seven Beauties"?

JACK (voiceover): I know.

ALICE (voiceover): Let me just be clear that that is the Italian film about the horrors of fascism.

Yep, that's the one.

(voiceover): I mean, I know that now.

(woman crying on film) I didn't then.

(onscreen crying continues) (woman speaking Italian in film) (indistinct chatter) Sorry, are you all right?

Hey, er, yes.

Yeah, thank you, sorry-- I, I... based on the title I thought that was gonna be a, a romantic comedy.

Oh no, it was, yeah.

That's just... for Nazis, that is a romantic comedy.

Mm.

(chuckles) (laughing): You okay?

Do you need some air or something?

Yeah.

Yeah.

What, did you genuinely not like it?

I mean, I think I hated it.

(laughing): Okay.

I mean, obviously, I'm... glad I went to see it now, but... Oh.

That's a, that's a nice thing to say.

Because I'm not really sure what it means.

It means I'm glad to meet you.

(gasping): Oh God!

I'm sorry.

(laughing): I was, I was talking about the film.

(laughs) Oh, for...

Sorry.

Um, but I, I think what the director is saying, she says that... Mm.

It should make emotional rather than logical sense.

So... That's all the best things, maybe.

Yeah, maybe.

All I know is that it just... it just reaches into my chest and moves my lungs around.

I just, I love it.

Hey.

Er... Are you hungry?

Or thirsty?

Or in need of anything that Sclater Street can provide?

Um... That's very Jack.

I was nervous.

I'm not judging.

You just judged.

(chuckles) And it worked, by the way.

Ooh!

Mm.

Did it?

Yeah.

Bravo.

I mean... yeah.

(laughs) (children in film speaking Swedish) (children continue speaking) ♪ ♪ (children speaking Swedish) Do you think Swedish people fart as much as regular people?

If I had to guess, like I'd say no, but...

I guess there's no way to know for sure.

Funny bunch.

(soft sigh) LYNN (voiceover): Do you think we'll ever forgive ourselves?

I don't think it's our fault.

Yeah, that's not what I asked you.

(wildlife chittering, children playing) Um, do you think this is gonna, gonna ruin things between us?

No.

Like we're brand-new, Jack.

You know, relationships are hard enough.

I have heard that.

Yeah.

Um...

If it does, though... like, if it did, er, ruin things between us, I just... thank you for how glad you've made me.

'Cause it had been a while, you know...

So, yeah.

That'll teach me, huh?

Do you think we should discuss the alternatives?

There aren't any good ones.

I mean, would you consider having a child outside of marriage?

No.

Oh my God, sorry, I know that sounds really... but... (sighs) No, it's just not the life I imagined.

Look, I'm sorry.

Me neither.

So, what are you talking about then?

Adoption?

No.

I don't think I could function knowing I had a child out in the world that I wasn't taking care of.

Yeah, no, of course you couldn't, neither could I.

So... Like, what are other alternatives to discuss?

I mean, do you think... (branch snaps) Do you think we should discuss the alternative to those alternatives?

No... Oh, my God.

Marriage?

No!

No!

No?

Jack!

Jesus, are you out of your mind?

I barely know you.

Don't even know your middle name.

Cyril.

What?

No.

Seriously?

It's not Cyril.

I don't have a middle name.

Well, there you go.

I didn't know that.

That's my point.

We'd find things out.

Jack.

Okay, look, I know this is probably crazy.

Yeah.

This is definitely crazy.

Yes.

Okay, I haven't totally thought this through.

(chuckles) No, really?

Yeah, but if you...

If you had asked me, when I was growing up, what the person that I would one day marry... would look like and sound like, and, and be like...

I would've said someone just like you.

You barely know me.

You know, at this stage, I'm just like an outline of a person, I'm just a sketch.

It's a pretty good sketch.

All I'm asking is in the 28 hours between now and the thing, that we not rule it out completely and officially?

(children playing in distance) Cyril.

ALICE (voiceover): And is she?

What little Jack dreamed about?

She is.

And it's not the worst thing in the world to be happy, you know.

I don't know, but I will provisionally agree.

I mean, I feel very lucky to have found Lynn.

And to have been found.

We throw away our blessings at our peril.

What happened then?

Well, I called you.

And when you didn't answer or respond, I took it to mean that we would never be in contact again.

So you married someone else because I didn't answer the phone?

No.

But I took it as proof that I was making the right decision.

Confirmation.

(car rumbling, squeaking) (thudding) (motor stops) JACK: What are you thinking?

(sighs) I wanted a great and stupid romance.

You don't know, I always thought there'd be one.

Maybe it's just beginning?

No, this is backwards.

Okay, so, it's backwards.

Okay then, Cyril, is there anything I should know?

Like what?

(chuckling): I mean, I wouldn't ask if I knew, would I?

♪ ♪ Nothing that matters now.

I know this isn't ideal, by any means, but... wasn't it the Rolling Stones who said, "We can't let the perfect be the enemy of the very good"?

(laughing): Absolutely not, no.

Not at all.

That was Voltaire.

Voltaire said that?

Yes.

(laughs) Did the, did the Rolling Stones say it also?

No!

No?

They, they said, "You can't always get what you want."

Quite famously.

That's probably what I'm thinking of.

I mean, you realize this child would have an English accent.

There's worse things.

Like what?

I can't think of any.

♪ ♪ Is this a yes?

Well, I mean, you've swept me off my feet, haven't you?

JACK (voiceover): And eight months later, Celia was born.

And who thought of the name?

I think I did.

Why?

Just curious.

(voiceover): Look, I'm sorry I called you, Jack.

I'm sorry I turned up like this.

I think that I just thought that your life had just stood still without me.

Because mine had... had sort of stood still without you.

And, um...

I may have to just grow up at some point.

Why did you want to see me?

Was it just to say hello?

Me mam passed away on Thursday, of cirrhosis of the liver.

Brought on by a lifetime of me dad.

And just... seeing him is... one of the many, many things I can't imagine facing without you.

But I will.

I'm happy for you.

(car door shuts) (motor rumbling) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ You're like the incarnation of everything I've ever wanted but I just can't have, you know?

Tell Lynn the whole unvarnished truth about Alice.

What are you doing, Jack?

Sorry, sorry!

JACK: Who could've seen any of this coming?

ALICE: I really thought by now that it would be different, Jack.

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